It Only Hurts When I Breathe
by Aireabella
Summary: Beth was dead. It had all been a dream. Daryl Dixon was done. This story follows the events of The Walking Dead Season 5 Midseason finale, and is an alternate tragic ending to the Beth and Daryl fan fiction "I Will Follow You Into the Dark". ("I Will Follow You Into the Dark" is going to continue though as if Beth had never died and this ending was never written.)
1. Chapter 1: Carry Me Down

~Author's note: **Please Read this note.** To start with, this story is only really going to make sense to people who have already read my Bethyl fic **"I Will Follow You Into the Dark"**, at least through to the end of chapter 54. Okay, here's the deal guys. I was devastated by Beth's death in the midseason finale. I know a lot of you were. I have talked to several of you in PM's about continuing both "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" and "Wasn't Born an Angel". I'm not ready to give up on either of those stories. I thought it would be more difficult at this time to continue with "Wasn't Born..." because it is a much darker story and there are still rough times ahead in that one, but I am having a lot of trouble with "I Will Follow..." Don't get me wrong or think that I have writer's block because that's not the case. I have a very concrete plan. I know the storyline, I know exactly where it is going for a good long time. I just can't bring myself to write it. Beth and Daryl are at such a happy place, and I think that's what is making it hard. So, right after the MSF aired, I started writing some tragic stuff about Beth and Daryl, and it is helping I think. The thing is, what I was writing became a sort of tragic end for "I Will Follow You Into the Dark". It has been helping me cope, writing it. I decided to post it...I don't know, just as part of that process of coping. By no means, if you are reading this, should you take this as the **real** ending to "I Will Follow You Into the Dark". Even though this is related to what happened in the MSF on the show, I am considering it an AU to the world I have created for Beth and Daryl and how I have developed Beth and Daryl's characters to this point in my work. I need this to give closure to the tragedy that the show gave to Beth and Daryl, a way to mourn, give Daryl some closure, and help me move back to a place where I can live in my happy fanfictional world of Beth and Daryl where they get to live. I refuse to accept the ending to Beth and Daryl that TPTB gave us, so if I have to write enough that I start to blur their fictional truth with my own writing, I will. Lets just make some things clear. **Beth is dead in this fiction. Daryl is going to die. There are going to be more tragic, sad, and heartbreaking moments than most of you are probably going to want to read at this point.** I am really just doing this for myself, for closure. These are going to be short chapters capturing moments. I am anticipating ten chapters, and I plan to have this done pretty quickly in comparison to my usual posting habits. **This is the darkest, most tragic story I am ever going to let myself write. If you read it, please be warned. I cried. A lot. And I knew what I was writing. **

So, just know that despite this story being an alternate/tragic ending to "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" based on The Walking Dead midseason finale, both "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" and "Wasn't Born an Angel" are going to continue, and their storylines are not going to be in any way, shape, or form altered by the tragedy of that horrible episode. Thank you all for your support, love, and for all of you who have taken the time to contact me personally!

Also, be on the lookout for an update to "Wasn't Born and Angel" if you read that one. I am hoping (not promising, but hoping) to have it up before the end of the weekend!~

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1: Carry Me Down<strong>

Cold. Hard. The ground...it was unforgiving. He didn't deserve forgiveness...

As soon as he came to consciousness, he knew...it was a dream. It'd all been just a dream.

He'd never kissed her.

Told her he loved her.

He couldn't save Beth.

Face pressed against the ground, Daryl laid his hand on top the soft dirt that covered her body, feeling the soil between his fingers, wishing he could reach her small hand.

"...oh...Beth..." Daryl wanted to be in that ground beside her. "I...I...it's all my...I killed you..."

_I would follow you into the dark..._

His breaths were comin' short and ragged now.

"Beth...I love you..."

He closed his fist around the dirt, pulling his clenched fingers against his chest where his heart was threatening to pound its way out. She died not knowing...he was a coward 'cause he didn't tell her when he had the chance...and she was dead now. The ground he was holding...the dirt in his hand...it was part of her...she was part of it. All he would ever have...it was sacred.

* * *

><p>Beth was so light, but he'd never carried so much weight...born such a heavy burden. Daryl followed Rick outta the hospital. She was so still in his arms. So pale. He walked past Rick, saw Maggie fall, but he just kept walking...the whole world blurred like a window streaked with rain. Was it raining? He stopped 'cause he couldn't see. It wasn't rain...not rain...tears...<p>

His arms were shakin' from the weight. Daryl sat down in the middle of the pavement. It was warm against his legs, but Beth...she was getting cold. He pulled her close in his arms, resting her head against his chest.

"Beth, wake up."

Nothing.

"Beth...I'm here. I found you. I came...I came for you..."

Silence.

"Wake up..." Daryl shook her...didn't wanna hurt her, but she had to...

Dead silence.

_Dead._

"No...no...no, no...Beth...no...please...come back...come back to me..."

_Dead._

Daryl knew that, but he still had to try.

Her blood was goin' cold on his hands. He brushed her hair back so he could see her face, blood runnin' down her cheeks like tears. For one instant, Daryl gathered himself, wiped his tears away with a bloodstained hand while pressing her to his chest. She was gone...but maybe...maybe she could still hear.

"I love you Beth..."

When Maggie knelt on the road beside him, that was when his moment of clarity broke.

"Beth...Daryl, let me...let me...Beth..." Maggie reached out, trying to take her from his arms.

"Don't touch her...no..." Daryl turned away from Maggie, shielding Beth, protecting her...refusing..."She's...she's mine..."

Then it all went dark.

Daryl couldn't say how they got there, back to the church, but he carried her down that aisle, limp, lifeless...cold...until he was at the steps leading up to the altar. He looked up at the cross, sunlight dancing through the stained glass windows behind it. Was God lookin' down on him with pity...did he even know Beth?

"...Daryl?" Rick was beside him. Had Rick said something...something before his name? "Let's take her back...back into the rectory...get her cleaned up."

He didn't understand what Rick was saying. All he heard was _her_.

"Not 'her'...Beth...her name...her name's Beth..." He was breakin'.

"Beth," Rick said it. And Rick...he was breakin' too. "Let's take Beth and get her cleaned up."

Daryl still didn't get what he was saying. Didn't matter though. His arms were shakin', and he was about to go to ground.

"Rick...I can't...I can't hold her anymore..." He was failin' again.

"I'll carry her...I'll carry Beth for you..."

"Please...be gentle...don't hurt her...don't hurt Beth..."

Daryl thought he saw wetness on Rick's cheeks, lips tight as he nodded. "I'll be gentle."

Rick reached out, taking Beth from his arms, and Daryl allowed it.

Rick took Beth away? Where? He couldn't see her anymore. He fell defeated, knees cracking against the steps...but he couldn't feel it...didn't feel anything except...

He was on his knees before God...never been there before...

_Hey J.C., if that was you out there helpin' us today, thanks for watching our backs. If your takin' requests, could you please watch out for Beth. She don't deserve this. She's probably too good for this world, but I'm not ready to give her up when I just found her. If this is close to a prayer, Amen. Oh, and J.C., if you don't recognize me, I'm Daryl Dixon. I'm a better man than my father. I'm a better man than my brother. I'm a better man than I used to be. And if it ain't too much to ask, could you help me be good enough...to save her?_

Where did that come from...they were his words, but he'd never said them, had he? He was losin' it. Where was that prayer from...he didn't pray...

_...help me be good enough...to save her..._

God didn't answer that one...didn't even know why he was tryin'...

"You can have my sorry soul...take it...take what you want...just protect Beth, and let her know..."


	2. Chapter 2: Broken Wings

**Chapter 2: Broken Wings**

Standin' in the doorway, Daryl felt like the outsider he'd always been. The grave was dug...the cold earth waiting to take her from him forever. He'd killed her...it was his punishment...his penance. Beth was layin' on a narrow couch, Maggie sittin' beside her, holdin' her hand, everyone else around her. Even people she'd never met were payin' respects. Glenn was the one who noticed him standin' back by himself, nodding to Rick who looked over his shoulder.

"Come on...let's give Daryl a minute," Rick's voice was somber.

Almost everyone listened, filing past Daryl through the door, not makin' eye contact or even acknowledging he was there. It was like he didn't exist. Daryl wished that was the case. Maggie was the only one who refused to go, even when Glenn took her by the arm, trying to pull her away.

"No...no...she's my sister...my baby sister...she's mine..." Maggie pleaded, Rick goin' to a knee in front of her, tryin' to calm her...reason with her.

"Maggie, let Daryl have a minute with Beth."

"No...Beth..." Maggie was all tears, grasping Beth's lifeless hand tighter...more desperately.

"Maggie...listen to me...let him..." Rick's voice cracked. "You've had her all your life...just let Daryl have this..." She stopped fighting, stopped sobbing, just looking at Rick like she didn't understand. How could she?

"Why?"

"Because..." Rick looked back over his shoulder at Daryl like he was asking permission for something he was about to say. "Because he..."

Rick wasn't gonna be the one who said it.

"Because I love Beth."

Maggie looked at him, letting go of her sister, letting Glenn help her stand, her tears comin' again. Before Glenn could get her out the door, Maggie latched onto Daryl, hugging him, pressing her cheek against his chest. He stood still as stone. He didn't have anything to give. It wasn't Beth. Then it was just Rick standin' in front of him, reaching out, laying a heavy hand on Daryl's shoulder.

"I love her..." Daryl looked down, knowing there were gonna be tears. He wasn't strong enough. Never had been.

"I know..." Rick squeezed his shoulder before leaving Daryl alone.

He knelt beside Beth, head bowed, not able to look at her for the longest time...he'd failed...there was no way he'd ever get past this...didn't want to. Beth was gone. He was done. Staring down at his hands...his finger...his left ring finger...there was something missing. Wings? Nothing was making any sense. He was losing his grip on reality. He knew that now. Daryl ran his thumb over the bare ring finger feeling empty, until he worked up the courage to take her hand in his, steadying himself...allowed himself to look at her. She was so beautiful. He'd always known she was a pretty girl, but their time together, all the threats, tryin' to keep her alive, figuring out what he was feelin'...he'd never really had time to appreciate her beauty. Even now, in death, the inner light...that faith that had made him believe, hope...love...it was still there. It was his light that'd been extinguished. And worst of all...Beth...she'd had faith in him.

_After we burned the cabin...the second cabin...and I stopped in the woods to look back, you told me to follow you, that you wouldn't lead me astray. When you turned away, all I could see were the wings on your back. I knew in that moment...I didn't really know why yet, but I realized I would follow you anywhere...I was taking it on faith. I would follow you into the dark..._

Daryl heard it...Beth's voice...so clearly in his head, sayin' those words...he'd never forget...but that...it had never happened. Still, in their time together, she had faith in him...he knew that...and her faith, it'd been misplaced. Beth believed in him, trusted him, and he couldn't keep his word. He'd lead her wrong. Beth followed him into the dark...to her death. And she hadn't just died...the bullet through her head...it hadn't been enough. She'd suffered...Daryl's finger gently traced over the stitched gashes on her forehead and cheek. She was scarred.

"I'm sorry Beth...I'm so sorry..." Daryl roughly swiped his cheeks with the back of his hand. He didn't deserve to cry...

..._all I could see were the wings on your back._

Daryl let Beth's hand go, shrugged off the damned vest...fucking wings...he wasn't no angel, and Beth died 'cause of it. He held it together long enough to put the vest on Beth, careful not to hurt her. It was the only thing of value...of meaning he had to give her. Buttoning every button, he realized just how tiny Beth was. He was sitting beside her now...it was the only time it could ever happen...the only chance he would ever have. Daryl leaned down, letting his lips touch Beth's. She was supposed to kiss back. He was supposed to take her breath away...but her lips were cold, and she had no breath left. Their first kiss...it was their last...his last...

"Take 'em...take 'em...They're broken, but they're mine..." It was his tears staining her cheeks now as he hunched over her lifeless body. He wasn't even tryin' not to cry anymore. "Take these broken wings. They're all I got Beth...all I got..."


	3. Chapter 3: Bolt Through the Heart

**Chapter 3: Bolt Through the Heart **

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven..."

Did God allow for a time to sing, he wondered. He could hear Beth singing so clearly, sittin' in the field at the prison...that song..._The Parting Glass _wasn't it...it had been haunting then, but now...now he felt the tragedy of it.

_Of all the money that e'er I spent, I've spent it in good company..._

"A time to be born, and a time to die..."

_And all the harm that ever I did, alas, it was to none but me..._

"A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep silent, and a time to speak..."

_And all I've done for want of wit, to memory now I can't recall..._

"A time to kill, and a time to heal..."

_So fill to me the parting glass, good night and joy be with you all..._

"A time to break down, and a time to mend..."

_Oh, all the comrades that e'er I had; they're sorry for my going away..._

"A time to weep, and a time to laugh..."

_And all the sweethearts that e'er I had, they'd wish me one more day to stay..._

"A time to mourn, and a time to dance..."

_But since it falls unto my lot, that I should rise and you should not..._

"A time to embrace, and a time to let go..."

_I'll gently rise and softly call, good night and joy be with you all..._

"A time of war, and a time of peace..."

_A man may fight and not be slain..._

"A time to love, and a time to hate..."

_But since it has so ought to be, by a time to rise and a time to fall,  
>come fill to me the parting glass, good night and joy be with you all...<em>

If he closed his eyes, Daryl could see her, alive, sitting by that fire, by Hershel...illuminated...she was his fire...his light...now there was just darkness.

"We therefore commit this body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in sure and certain hope of the Resurrection."

Daryl was numb. It wasn't real. It couldn't be real...He watched as each of the people who'd loved Beth in life threw a handful of dirt in the grave he dug for her. A handful of dirt...that's what her life and the love people felt for her amounted to...a handful of dirt.

"Daryl..." Rick prompted gently, but he was frozen.

He felt Rick pour the brown earth in his palm. Daryl knelt beside her trench in the ground...he couldn't throw it in like the others...didn't have it in him. Reaching down, close to her body in the shallow grave, he tilted his hand, watching the soil spill like the sand in an hourglass. Time...time had run out. They knew it. He knew it. Everyone was livin' on borrowed time. Daryl just thought he'd have more of it with her. Things that happened...gave him hope...made him think he had a future, but it...she was gone. There was dirt on her face. Daryl reached out carefully brushing it away so he could look at her, see her one last time.

"Beth...Beth, I'm sorry..."

The whole rest of the world had gone still and quiet, but he heard Maggie sobbing at what he said. Didn't matter. Nothin' mattered anymore.

Flowers. There were no flowers to give Beth...no flowers to bury with her, put in her grave to let her know she was loved. Daryl couldn't let it stand, pulling one of his crossbow bolts free, examining it, turning it in his hand, making sure it was perfect, strong...not weak like him. No flowers...this bolt...it would have to do. It was all he had, and he gave it to her. The shovel of dirt thrown on top of Beth sent a bolt through his heart. Another shovel full and his eyes locked on Tyreese, stopping him before a third could be spilled on her.

"No..." She was his...

Tyreese was not without sympathy, looking to Rick for guidance.

"Leave him." It was Rick's final say, but had he said something different, Daryl would've found the strength to fight him on it.

Tyreese laid the shovel beside him as everyone left the graveside, retreating back to the church. The priest, preacher, whatever he was, Father Gabriel, knelt beside him, placing a hand on Daryl's back. Daryl wanted to shrug it away, but he just couldn't.

"God never gives us more than we can bear."

"No...he just kills us...you have faith, then you die, one way or another..."

Father Gabriel had no response to that 'cause it was the truth.

Two hundred and forty-seven. It took two hundred and forty-seven shovels of dirt to cover her...ensuring he would never see Beth again. Daryl let the shovel fall from his hand, his body sinking to the ground in defeat.


	4. Chapter 4: Not Strong Enough

**Chapter 4: Not Strong Enough**

It was a dream. It'd all been just a dream. Maybe he knew it all along. Daryl did know now that he'd had the dream before...before Beth died...pieces of it coming back to him today in the aftermath, making him think he was losin' it. He just hadn't remembered the dream. Waking up, now he saw it, had the dream in his memory forever. If God meant it to be a blessing or a curse, the moments from the life he'd never had with Beth, he couldn't say, but it didn't matter 'cause they were there for good. But now...reality...

Daryl heard the walker coming, snarling and snapping, but he couldn't move himself from the cold ground. It just didn't matter anymore. It tripped, fell, was layin' face to face with him, grabbing at him. Daryl could hear its teeth crunching together, its jaw grinding. He didn't realize, but when it stopped snapping at him, Daryl saw his knife driven into its skull. It was survival instinct, the part of him that didn't even have to know to act. What came next was driven by something entirely different, something deep inside him that he'd never felt before. After the darkness passed, Daryl was looking down on a pile of goo, stringy tendon, and shattered bones, the thing that used to be a walker torn to bits. He didn't even wipe his knife before driving it back into its sheath.

The ground...it was soft...the ground he was kneeling on...the walker mush...it was all on...

"What did you do?" It flew outta his mouth frantically. "What did you do...what did you fucking do?"

The corpse had fallen on Beth's grave. Now in pieces...'cause of him...its blood was soaking into the soft dirt. It was gonna stain Beth. Daryl pushed the chopped body parts off the mound of fine soil, scooping up the guts, trying to scrape away the blood, but it didn't matter. He'd done it. He'd desecrated her grave...desecrated Beth, and he couldn't hold on anymore.

There were lights shining on him. He knew there were people behind those lights, people he knew coming out of the church 'cause they heard him. Had he been making noise, crying out? He couldn't remember.

Holding up his hands...seeing the blood dripping off them...blood...why was there always so much blood...

"I'm sorry..." Daryl found his way to feet, stumbling back. "I'm sorry..."

It was a fluid, beautiful motion. He didn't even have to think, the muzzle of his gun kissing his temple.

_Beth..._

But he hit the ground before he could pull the trigger and end it. Heavy weight pressed him into the dirt, someone else pried his only salvation from his hand, incomprehensible guttural noises and sobs escaping his mouth. The weight on him...he could barely breathe...he wanted it to stop...the breathing. He heard Rick's voice, couldn't tell what he was saying, whoever was holding him down was backing off though, but they had his gun.

"Give him some room," Rick ordered.

Rick's hand was on his upper arm, pulling him to his feet. Why when he was just gonna fall down again? They were all looking at him, he knew it, but the only person he could see was Rick. Right in front of him...he watched Rick's every move. His left hand slowly crossed over to where his Python was holstered at his hip, releasing it, offering it to Daryl grip first.

"Rick...no..." That was Glenn.

Daryl took the gift Rick offered him. Rick took a step back, but still stayed close to him, watching him...standing by him like a brother should in his last moment...

"Daryl don't. That's not the way. We can get through this..." Carol pleaded, but she could never understand...never know...

Daryl contemplated Rick's weapon, dispenser of justice, steel shining in the light from the flashlights. He put it to his head, closing his eyes.

"Oh my God...Daryl...no..." Maggie sobbed. In a different world, she would've been his sister...

His finger pulled at the trigger, but there was resistance. He didn't know Rick's gun, didn't know the pressure it would take to fire...the trigger was so tight. If it was his gun, he'd be dead already, but it wasn't. Daryl's finger trembled against the trigger as he willed himself to pull harder. But he couldn't. He was too much of a coward to off his own sorry ass. He heard the Python hit the ground beside him just before Daryl found himself on his knees again. Before he bowed his head, surrendering himself to his fate, he saw Maggie and Carol headed his way. They never made it. He didn't see why, just heard Rick.

"Everybody in the church now."

He felt Rick near him, knew Rick picked up the gun, felt Rick standing in front of him. Lifting his head and opening his eyes, it was the greatest kindness Daryl could ever hope for.

_That's the third time you've pointed that thing at my head. You gonna pull the trigger or what?_

That was from a different life...a life when they weren't brothers yet. It had all come full circle. Rick's face wore a stoic mask, but it was a mask all the same. His eyes were full of pain...and doubt. Daryl took a deep breath, his tears stopped...it was an end to the pain. He nodded his head to Rick, thanking him...reassuring him. Closing his eyes, he leaned forward until he felt the cold steel pressed against his forehead. Rick's hand was steady.

"Bury me with Beth." Daryl's voice was so clear, solid. "I love her."

The last words he would ever say...he just wanted the darkness.

Then he could feel the gun trembling against his forehead. Should've never said anything...should've never talked...just let Rick put him down like the wounded animal he was.

"Please..." He opened his eyes.

Rick's hand was shaking now, drawing his gun back, but it was still aimed. There was still a chance.

"Do it! Pull the fucking trigger!"

Nothing.

Daryl broke down realizing Rick wouldn't.

"Please...please...just end it. Make it stop."

He wasn't strong enough. Rick wasn't strong enough either. How did it come to this?

Rick holstered his revolver, going to his knees in front of Daryl.

"It hurts..."

"I know." Rick was trying to hold it together, but he was failing too. Daryl saw his tears. Heard it in his voice.

Rick's arms wrapped tight around him, and Daryl allowed it...needed it. He had no pride left, cryin' into Rick's shoulder.

"I can't breathe...I can't breathe without her..."

Daryl could feel a sob wrench in Rick's chest. "You're my brother...I'm sorry...I'm sorry I couldn't save her for you..."


	5. Chapter 5: Sentenced to Life

**Chapter 5: Sentenced to Life**

"Come on, Beth."

She was laughing, running after him up the stairs to the guard tower. He held her wrist tight just to make sure she was with him.

"Oh..." Beth gasped as she stumbled on a step, but she wouldn't fall. Daryl wouldn't let her. He held her wrist high so her knees didn't hit the concrete.

"Almost there, Lil' Bit."

Closing and locking the hatch, he pressed Beth against the wall, tripping up a little, and falling against her harder than he should've. Beth just laughed as he steadied himself, hand against the wall beside her. Daryl went in for a kiss, but she pressed a firm hand against his chest.

"Stop." She was breathless and beautiful, so full of life, and she absolutely didn't mean _stop_. "What if Maggie and Glenn find us?"

"This ain't their tower. They take the north. Why'd you come up here with me if you didn't wanna..." He gave her the look, and she knew exactly what he meant without him even having to say it.

"I do, but..."

"But what?" Daryl didn't let Beth answer because she let him catch her lips.

Daryl felt so young and alive. Beth nipped at his lower lip, a warning, and he pulled away. This was a side of her he hadn't felt before, so he was willing to listen to what she had to say...but that nip...it set him on fire.

"But what?"

"Don't you need to be somewhere? You'll be missed."

Her eyes were so intense now. They were trying to tell him something he didn't understand.

"Got it covered. Got Bob on it. The new guy. He wanted to help out." _Bob...the new guy...?_

Beth allowed him to slide his hand under her shirt, traveling up the soft skin of her side...her skin wasn't as warm as usual. She tilted her head, baring her neck so he could kiss it, turning herself over to him. Beth's hands were in his hair, her hips arching against him. God, he wanted her...she was everything. The playful moment passed though, this was serious...real. Pulling away from her, so he could see her face, make sure she was okay with what they were doing...she'd gone serious too.

"What about my Dad?" Was that sadness he heard in her voice...sadness, now?

"Well, if Hershel finds out, I guess I'll just have to have that serious conversation with him no matter how painful it's gonna be for me. Gotta do this right, Beth. I'm gonna talk to him either way."

She deserved everything to be right. But it couldn't ever...could it? Hershel...

_The Governor rolled right up to our gates. Maybe if I wouldn't have stopped looking...maybe 'cause I gave up...that's on me. And your Dad...maybe...maybe I could've done something..._

Hershel was dead. And Bob, he was dead...the prison...it was gone too. Beth was...

He felt the tears on his cheeks, and she saw them. It was just a dream...

"Shhh...no...don't..." She tried to soothe him as Daryl buried his head at her shoulder in her silky hair. "Daryl, look at me...we have this moment."

It was just a dream...a fucking hallucination...

"You're dead...I let you die..."

"No, Daryl...no...please...leave it..." She begged.

"You're not real."

"I am. I'm here...with you." Daryl felt her grab his hand, felt her lips press against it...he wanted to die...didn't wanna let her go.

"Why are we here? If it's a dream...I wanna be with you, back in our house, on that snowy morning...or in our bed together..." He begged, but somehow he knew Beth didn't have the power to take them there.

"We can't go back there. You woke up...know it wasn't real now. That dream's over...this one...you're picking the places." Her voice was sad too. How could she be sad when she wasn't real, just a figment of his imagination?

"We? You weren't even there..." that might be the hardest part of this truth that he faced. He had the dream to hold onto, but Beth, she had nothin'. "I was dreaming up fairytales while you were..."

Daryl didn't know the full extent of what Beth went through...but she was beaten...broken...and in the end, she died. That's all he needed to know. There were tears in her eyes. How could a fucking dream hurt so much?

"Why'd you do it, Beth...why'd you do it? We were right there...I...I was right there...we were almost..."

They were almost reunited.

They were almost together.

They were almost...

Almost...

She brushed her tears away, shaking her head, the look in her eyes telling him she didn't have an answer to that.

"When they brought Carol in, I don't know how, but I knew you were alive...that there was still a chance for us to be...together..." Beth hesitated at the end, when she said together, like she didn't know if that was what he would've wanted. It was breaking him. "But...but...when they let me go...when I was walking towards you, somehow I knew it was over before it even started. I was already dead."

Her words stopped...it was a pained pause...a deep breath before she continued...a shudder he could feel against his body.

"Everything I did...I couldn't control. It was like, for some reason, the universe stopped, reversed course, erased my future, and wrote my death instead...it decided I didn't get to live..."

"I could've saved you...I didn't even try...I could've stopped you..." Daryl hadn't done shit. No one had done shit for her when she needed them.

"No...there was nothing you could do...somehow...that bullet was meant for me..." She tried to reassure him.

"Why are we here...the prison?" He had to move away from her death...it was too painful.

"I don't know. This is your dream now, your story."

Daryl crossed the guard tower to the big window where he could see one of the inner courtyards. Beth fell in beside him, he felt her slip her fingers between his. He gripped her hand tight. It all felt so real. Looking down, he saw himself...how was that? He was getting ready for a run. Zack was there. What...were his dreams gonna remind him of all the people he'd lost on his watch? If this was it, he wasn't ever sleepin' again...but Beth, she was there beside him, holding his hand...that would be worth anything. And she was in the courtyard too, talkin' to Zack, kissing Zack. Something strange was building inside him, something he hadn't been able to name in that moment...but he'd felt it. Jealousy. He'd had no right to Beth then, but he'd felt it...was feelin' it again watching the scene play out like God from above.

"What was that you said?" Beth looked up at him from where she was standing, not letting go, holding his hand like their lives depended on it.

Her eyes were glistening, but he didn't know if it was from the tears or something else. Daryl watched himself watch Beth walk away in the courtyard, feeling ashamed of what he'd said to Zack, but this was just a dream.

"What did you say?" Beth pressed the question, more lightness and joy in her voice now.

"It's like a damned romance novel..."

She smiled, leaning into his side.

He realized why he was there...the prison. That was where the earliest seeds of _them_ had been planted...that's where him and Beth started...jealousy...and then she had hugged him...comforted him when he went to her to tell her Zack died.

"Daryl..."

It was Rick, but Rick hadn't been with them there that day in the courtyard. Daryl watched as the vision of him and Zack disappeared and Rick came out of the door into the yard.

"Daryl," Rick called again, looking up to the tower and seeing him before he had a chance to duck with Beth and hide...from what...the inevitable?

"You should go with Rick. He needs you." She wasn't sad or bitter, just beautiful selfless Beth.

"I can't leave you...all alone...in the ground."

"I'm not there anymore." Daryl turned to face her, knowing their time was coming to an end. "But I'm here, as long as you remember me..." Beth touched the center of his chest lightly where his broken heart was struggling to beat, fighting to keep him alive. "And I'll come to you here...in your dreams...as long as you want me..."

Beth let go of his hand, letting go of him...

Feeling reality pulling him out of his dream, away from Beth...Daryl realized he'd been sentenced...sentenced to life...


	6. Chapter 6: Present Tense

**Chapter 6: Present Tense**

"Do you really think that's a good idea?"

They talked about him like he couldn't hear, wasn't even there. Daryl could hear every word Glenn was saying.

"It's Daryl," Maggie cut him off.

"Exactly, he tried to blow his brains out twice last night. I had to wrestle his gun away while Tyreese held him down." Glenn's voice grew more hushed but no less urgent as they got closer to where Daryl was standing...sitting vigil by Beth's grave, but they stopped some distance away.

If he had room for more pain, he would've been hurt by what Glenn was saying...thinking he might hurt Maggie.

"Maybe you shouldn't have." There was personal pain there. Maggie was on the edge too. Daryl recognized that.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. Just nothing. Glenn, let go of me..."

She sat by him on the hard ground, drawing her knees up in front of her. Didn't say nothin' for the longest time.

"Beth's with Daddy now..." Maggie was all choked up.

God...he couldn't take it...her pain...looking straight ahead, avoiding. Hershel...that was his fault too. Beth...he wasn't ever gonna recover from that failure...that loss. If God gave his sorry ass enough time, Maggie would probably die under his watch. He'd single handedly cause the destruction of the entire Greene family...their entire bloodline would be wiped out 'cause of him.

"Did you really love her?"

His gasping sob should've been all the answer Maggie needed, but Beth, she deserved more. Bowing his head, just accepting the pain, he nodded. Maggie took his hand. Daryl didn't know if he wanted it or not...but he let her have it...just didn't squeeze back.

"Beth's hand...it was so small...so soft..." He didn't know why or how he managed to say it, but Daryl didn't feel like he had much control over anything anymore.

Now it was Maggie feelin' the pain. "I loved her too..."

_Loved_?

Maggie said _loved_...past tense. You didn't just stop loving when someone died. Love didn't die...at least Daryl knew his wouldn't, and he knew absolutely nothing about love before Beth.

_I love her._

Daryl's love...it was present tense...

"You lost Merle...your brother...you know what I'm feeling...Beth...my sister..." Where was Maggie going with this? "But you...you lost Beth...and I don't know what that feels like...I can't know..."

Daryl wasn't lookin' at her, but he knew she was crying because he could hear the tears in her voice. Was Maggie being selfless...thinking about him...his pain? Either way, he hoped she never had to feel what he was feelin'...never lost Glenn. No one deserved that. She squeezed his hand harder, and Daryl gave back.

Things went all silent, but Maggie stayed, and she didn't let go of his hand. Somehow it was okay; he didn't need her to leave just then. One thing Merle always said...blood tied people whether you liked it or not. Maggie had half Beth's blood...the sisters shared Hershel. For that...for Beth...he would share his pain with her. Something changed. He looked down at his hands watching her...watching Maggie taking a cool damp rag, wiping the blood from his hand. She was being so gentle with him, and gentle wasn't the easiest way to get the job done. He just watched, watched Maggie focusing on the cracks in his knuckles, turning his hand over, rubbing at the dried blood turned black in his palm. Beth's blood...it was on his hands, and all the water in the world wouldn't wash that away. Maggie glanced up, catching him watching her, but he didn't look away. Maybe she was pitying him...but what she was doing...it was a kindness...

"Beth wouldn't have wanted to see you like this...hands all bloody..."

When she was done, Maggie sat up on her knees beside him, pressing a comforting hand on his back.

"I can't know how much...but I know it hurts..." Her voice trembled, but she didn't cry.

"Only when I breathe..."

* * *

><p>It was nearing sunset when Father Gabriel laid the wooden cross beside him, not speaking...not saying a word. The entire day had passed, and Daryl hadn't moved. Now the sun was starting its descent into darkness, the fading light passing through golden autumn leaves casting an amber glow on the world. Beth was gone...the whole world should be in mourning...gray and dark and somber. But she always saw the light and goodness...she was his light. She would've thought it was beautiful. He picked up the cross, resting it in his lap. A plain wooden cross.<p>

_She believed in you...you let her die..._ Daryl cursed God for that, but the same applied to him too, and he hated himself...held himself to a higher standard.

Stupid cross. A fucking grave marker. What did it matter? The world was dead. Soon everyone would be dead. Who would be left to remember or care? But then...that day at the country club...

_Help me take her down._

Daryl had watched Beth struggling with the woman's corpse, not understanding...not getting it.

_It don't matter. She's dead._

Beth looked at him with those wide blue eyes...those eyes that saw the good in the world...those eyes that always saw him as a better man than he knew he was.

_It does matter._

All his moments, everything beautiful and good...the moments where he actually felt alive, they all came back to Beth. Looking down at the cross again, Daryl pulled his knife, digging it deep into the wood, carving out the most perfect letters he could manage.

_Beth Greene_

_Beloved_

He should've carved it to say _Beloved Daughter and Sister_. He should've...but they gave the cross to him...she was his. But he didn't know what it should say. Beth wasn't his wife. She wasn't even his girlfriend. He hadn't even kissed her...Daryl pressed his palms against his eyes...his face was so raw from crying that the salty tears burned hot tracks down his cheeks. Beth wasn't any of those things to him, but she'd been so much more...everything. What was he supposed to write when there were no words...

When he was done, Daryl pounded the cross deep into the ground with the butt of his crossbow. Kneeling in front of it...he wouldn't fall to his knees before God, but he would honor...worship her. Daryl traced his finger over the smooth letters he'd immortalized in her cross.

_Beth Greene_

_Beloved of Daryl Dixon_

"It does matter, Beth...it does matter..."


	7. Chapter 7: Last Man Standing

**Chapter 7: Last Man Standing**

"Daryl, just stop..." Beth pleaded.

"No! They came...they stole you. That black car with the fucking cross, it ripped you right outta my life like you'd never even been there...but the hole it left...Maybe if I would've run further, tracked longer...maybe 'cause I gave up that day. Sat down in the middle of the road. That's on me..."

"Daryl..." She was trying to get him to stop, stop punishing himself, but he couldn't. It was all on him.

Beth reached out for him...touching him, but he jerked away, not because he didn't know how to handle being touched like the first time but because he knew he didn't deserve her touch...her comfort.

"No...you died...maybe...maybe I could've done something..." All Daryl could do was bow his head in defeat because he was broken...couldn't say anymore.

That's when Beth wrapped her arms around him, squeezing him tight, pressing her cheek against his back. He was wounded, but she was dead... and still the one with all the strength, givin' all the comfort.

This had all happened between them before, driven by moonshine, tension, anger, loss, but the memory had been altered in the moment of Daryl's dream. Another reminder of his failure...the unbearable loss, but sitting across from her on the porch, looking at her, knees drawn up, head resting against the wooden beam, her face serene in the moonlight...it was all so peaceful. His dreamscapes were so vivid...so very real. The night birds were calling, the cicadas were singing, and Beth was alive...if only in this moment.

"This is where you tell me that you're a dick when you're drunk," Beth smiled at him, recalling the memory...or since it was his dream...was he recalling it? Didn't really matter.

"Yeah...well, I'm not drunk. I wouldn't waste a second of being with you that way..." Daryl looked away, driving his knife in the wooden beam in front of him, still ashamed of his actions from that day...that day that seemed like so long ago. "I never gave up on you, Beth..."

"I know." But how could she?

Maybe he just needed to unburden his soul...

"After I couldn't follow you anymore, I just didn't know what to do. I lost myself for a while, but eventually...eventually I caught up with Rick, Carl, and Michonne..."

There were a lot of things that happened between the point where he lost himself and when he found Rick again, but he didn't want Beth to know about that darkness...his darkness...

"We ended up trapped at this place, a place that was promising sanctuary...but it wasn't...they were..." Beth didn't need to know that either...the purpose of drawing people to Terminus...what they were doing there. "That's where most of us were reunited, locked in this train car together. Maggie was there. I told her that we'd been together, you were taken, and I tried to follow you. I told her, I knew you were alive..."

It stung. He knew in his heart that she'd been alive...believed it when he'd always been so short on hope. He'd be right...and just when they were together again...Beth might as well have been dead all along. It would've been kinder for her. She just watched him, listening.

"They were gonna kill us. Me, Rick, Bob, Glenn...they had us and some other people tied up, on our knees in front of this long trough, slitting people's throats. All I could do was watch as the blood flowed towards the drain waiting for it to be my turn. I knew I was dead...nothin' I could do..."

"How did you get out of it?" Beth questioned thoughtfully.

"There was an explosion...sent everyone there on edge. Rick...Rick went ballistic, he snapped. Never seen him like that. He got us out...we fought our way out. It was a slaughter..." Daryl shook his head, thinking on it...it had been an impossible situation, and he'd survived. Beth's situation, it was so simple...everything had fallen into place...they almost saved her...then she died.

"The hardest part...I've never been afraid to die." That was the honest to God truth. Well, maybe once, when Merle's janky little dealer had his gun pressed against his temple...but that was a different world. "Never had much reason to be afraid, but I wanna go out fighting...I wanna go out with meaning. I couldn't even fight for my life; I was just tied up like some stupid animal sent to the butcher. Worst of all...before this...before you, I knew I was nobody...nothing...but you changed that. I wanted to live for you, and I knew you were alive. If I died...who would go after you...protect you...didn't matter shit though anyway..."

"I died...I didn't want to, but I did...I mean, I knew I was going to die, probably sooner rather than later, but I guess I just didn't expect it...but then who does? Being with you, that time we spent together...I thought I had a chance...not a chance because you were protecting me, a chance because I saw a future that might've been there." She paused, caught by emotion.

Daryl didn't know what to do for her. Wasn't ever no good at comforting people...

"I thought there would be a first kiss, a first..." she stopped herself, blushing in the moonlight, shaking her head a little at what she didn't say, "...sweet moments, we would find a place where we could be safe, happy...just be, even if it was just the two of us..."

He brushed away a stray tear with the back of his hand. He was supposed to be the strong one for her.

"Maybe even a baby...your baby...I always wanted a child..." Beth let out a breathy laugh through her tears. "That's how incredibly stupid I was..."

"No...that's how it was supposed to be...I wanted that too...saw that...for us. I wanted to give you everything...everything..." How he ever imagined those things in their world...in any world...he was the stupid one...

"I thought if I changed...I thought I would make it, but it wasn't enough. I was stronger, but I wasn't meant to live...I wasn't meant to be. You, you were made for how things are now."

_I'm going to be gone someday. You're going to miss me so bad when I'm gone, Daryl Dixon._

She knew it...how he didn't know, but Beth predicted their future that night.

"I miss you, Beth...I can't even breathe without you..."

Clenching his eyes tight, trying to fight the tears, he didn't see her come to him, but he felt her hand over his heart...

"You have to put it away...your guilt...your hate, or it kills you...here..."

Daryl pressed his hand over Beth's, opening his eyes to see what he would never have. She was so innocent...so beautiful. He didn't know how it was supposed to go, but he had to.

He'd never kissed a woman before just to kiss her, didn't even know what it was supposed to feel like...didn't know how just a kiss went. He'd kissed her in his dream about the prison...but that...that was before he realized the truth...it was just a dream. This was a dream rooted in reality. This was a moment that should've happened...as close to reality as he was ever going to get...and he felt. It wasn't just about her soft, welcoming lips, the way her hand clenched at his shirt, letting his fingers find their way into her silky hair...it was everything on the inside...the excitement, anxiety, fear, self-doubt, love...even the pain and loss...

They separated...didn't really pull away, but the soft, sad smile on Beth's face...it was heartbreaking. Her fingers came up and tentatively brushed her lips like she wasn't sure what she felt was real.

They should've stayed. It was a shit hole, a reminder of his past, but maybe Daryl could've protected her there...they could've lived. Instead, they'd burned it to the ground.

_You're going to be the last man standing._

He was glad Beth didn't say it now...he couldn't have handled it, but her words from that night were burned into his heart forever. Daryl realized that was going to be his curse. When she'd said it to him, he'd thought that was his biggest fear...knew then she saw that fear in his eyes...but now, his most devastating fear had come true...losing her. Being the last man standing wasn't a fear; Daryl knew that it was going to be his fate. He was going to be the last man standing, standing on a pile of charred bones and ashes, watching the world die...burn...alone...

Beth's eyes on him brought him out of his sadness...pulling her fingers away from her lips, she averted her gaze, refusing to look at him as the words came out of her delicate mouth.

"Will you...will you kiss me again..."

God, she didn't even have to ask. Daryl gently lifted her chin so she could see him...see that she meant everything...was his world before he allowed his lips to gently meet hers again.

In this moment...if only this moment...he wasn't alone...


	8. Chapter 8: If I Die Young

**Chapter 8: If I Die Young**

There'd been no sleep, no escape for him since he found out everyone sacrificed Beth for nothing...DC, the cure...it was all a lie. When they left that church, dragging him away from her side, he knew he'd never be by her again. He wanted it...sleep...that escape, even if it was just darkness, but when had he ever gotten what he wanted. Daryl just wanted to dream...it was the only way he would ever have Beth again.

Laying in his corner, back turned to everyone else, they must've thought he was asleep 'cause he became the topic of their conversation.

"What do we do? He hasn't said a word since he found out. He's barely following us. I'm afraid I'm going to look back, and he's not going to be there anymore." At least Glenn had the good decency to use a hushed voice.

"There's nothing for us to do. Just let him be." Rick knew the full truth of it.

"It's hard on him right now, but we've all suffered and lost. It'll just take some time. Time heals all wounds." Carol, she was so wrong...

"But there has to be something we can do to help him make it through this." Glenn had spirit, but Daryl didn't want the help...just wanted...

"Daryl's not coming back from this one. He's not gonna make it. Only thing that can be done for him is for somebody who loves him to put a bullet in his head. I couldn't, already tried..." Rick's voice wavered at the memory.

But that's what he wanted...the one thing...the end. Daryl didn't even notice the conversation fading as he slipped into the soft embrace of sleep...

* * *

><p>It was the comfiest bed he'd had in years, didn't matter it was a coffin. So many candles illuminated the room...illuminated her...it was the most beautiful moment of his life. Daryl knew as soon as he saw her sittin' at that piano, heard her singing, that it was a dream, but this moment...this moment had been real, it had happened, and he would remember it until the day he died. Her voice was beautiful and haunting, but the words, the song, they were so sad.<p>

"These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real..."

Daryl listened anyway, watching her...contemplating her, just like he'd been doin' that night.

"There's just too much that time cannot erase..."

Everything about her...her hair was mussed but shining like pale gold, perfectly imperfect.

"When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears..."

Her voice...it brought him to a place where the darkness was being overshadowed by the light.

"When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears..."

And Beth, she made him _know_ that there was a future for him. This had been the moment when he'd decided to tell her, but he hadn't been strong enough.

"I held your hand through all of these years...you still have all of me..."

"Beth..." He didn't mean to say it, but it was too late.

There was a false key, she startled, turning around on the bench, only calming when she saw him there. Then he saw the sadness in her face.

"Why such a sad song?" How could he even ask that question after...

"I didn't think you were coming. You've left me alone for so long..."

Daryl's heart seized.

"I couldn't sleep...everything...it's all just too hard..." He hadn't slept, but he wanted to be with her in his dreams. Beth thought he didn't want to dream of her...wanted to let her go, but that was so far from the truth. "It was all a lie...they sacrificed you...you di..."

"No...don't say it. You're here now. That's all that matters." She closed her eyes, lookin' like she was fighting some bad memory.

"Why don't you go ahead and play some more? Keep singing." That's what he'd said that night, and he said it again. Any moment he could have of her, he'd take.

"I thought my singing annoyed you." It was a rhetorical question. Beth knew the answer, but her asking, it hit him in the gut.

"Keep singing, Beth. Keep singing..."

Daryl didn't really listen to the words.

"If I die young, bury me in satin..."

All he could do was focus on Beth being there, alive, unharmed.

"Lay me down on a bed of roses..."

But the melody was beautiful.

"Sink me in the river at dawn..."

The song sounded sweet and hopeful.

"Send me away with the words of a love song..."

Laying there in that coffin, he couldn't help think about all the questions he never got to ask her.

"The sharp knife of a short life..."

All the things he never got to know.

"Oh well, I've had just enough time..."

Who taught her how to play?

"And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom..."

To sing?

"As green as the ring on my little cold finger..."

What was her favorite song?

"I've never known the loving of a real man..."

Who was the first guy to kiss her?

"But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand..."

Who was her first love? He knew she was his...only...

Then something inside forced Daryl to stop and just listen to the lyrics of the fucking song. It wasn't happy at all.

"There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever. Who would have thought forever could be severed by the sharp knife of a short life. Oh well, I've had just enough time..." Beth's voice trailed off filled with emotion of her own.

_If I die young_...Those words, they were the story of her life.

"No...no stop..." Daryl shook his head violently, trying to banish the images the fucking lyrics rammed into his head.

He heard the gunshot...his world stopped when that bullet flew.

Saw Beth crumple to the ground.

Heard his gun firing...

Didn't even get to say goodbye.

It was a dream. It was the only thing he had left. It was supposed to be sweet...it was supposed to be...

Daryl felt Beth on him, laying on top of him in the coffin, nuzzling against his chest...so warm.

"God, I miss you Beth...so much..."

"Shhh...just keep breathing."

"This, if you're dead...this is how it should be. Me in that ground beside you. Me there instead of you." That was the truth of it, but he'd failed.

"I'm waiting for you...I'll always wait for you..."

She would be waiting forever. Daryl didn't know what came after. He hoped there was something besides darkness for Beth's sake, but even if there was, with the life he lived...

"Beth...I'll never make it to where you are." There were no tears. No sadness. He knew the truth.

"You don't know anything, Daryl Dixon." She was so confident.

He wanted to believe her, but it was a dream. Dreams weren't just deceptive. They were flat out liars. After a few quiet moments, Daryl felt the need to talk...to vocalize what he knew now.

"I never remembered this place...in my dream. I know why, 'cause it's where we ended."

Running his fingers through her tangled hair, he just wanted to stay. This moment, it would be enough. It could be his forever...

"I've never known the loving of a real man, but it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand..."

Back to that damned song...but Beth just sang that one line...that heartbreakingly beautiful line. Daryl found her hand, and this time...this time he was the one to take it, their fingers intertwined. He wasn't gonna let go.

"That song, it's the very first memory...the first memory of the dream I recall..." Her voice was soft, almost hypnotic.

"Hmmm?" What she'd said...it didn't make any sense.

"Maybe I knew I was dead all along, but the dream...our time together...maybe it was some sort of gift to soften the blow."

"I don't remember you singing that." And Daryl remembered it in painstaking detail.

"You can't. It was my part of the dream. I was singing alone. It was my dream too.."

None of it was making any sense, but it didn't have to. Was it even possible that they shared that dream...all those moments? They'd shared everything, but in the end, the reality was, they'd shared absolutely nothing...

_I've never known the loving of a real man..._

And that...they'd never even shared that in the dream. It was all just too devastating.

"You never...?" Daryl's voice was raspy, barely coming out, but gentle. He felt awkward for asking.

Beth propped her chin on his chest, looking down on him with those sad eyes, the shadow of an innocent smile on her lips, shaking her head _no_. "What I never did is done..."

"Can I change that...now...tonight?" The possibility that they might still be able to share that...it softened the blow somehow.

"It's your dream. You can do whatever you want."

That was an answer, just not the one he was looking for. He didn't need an explanation on the rules of dreaming.

"Will you let me...will you come upstairs with me...let me...make love to you?"

God...he didn't even know how...make love? Who did he think he was? But with her...that's what he would've wanted. Who he would've wanted to be.

"Please...maybe anything is possible..." Beth pressed hard against him...more desperately...

_Maybe anything is possible..._

That one wrong...it happened on this night...it haunted him...would until the day he died. Maybe now...now he got to do it right...

Sittin' at that table in only the candle light, Daryl watched Beth penning her thank you note.

"Maybe you don't have to leave that..."

She looked to him, waiting...just like that night. He couldn't look at her. Just kept eating, trying to sound normal and not scared as hell thinking about what she might say. "Maybe we stick around here for a while. They come back, we'll just make it work." That's when he was able to meet her eyes, because it was what he wanted. She had to know it was the truth. "They may be nuts, but maybe it'll be all right..."

_Maybe_...the emotion and reality were hitting him..._Maybe_...it was just like _almost_...they were almost together...maybe they could've had a life.

A life...he'd wanted to make a life with her, right then and there. Daryl was willing to offer it to her, not knowing if she would reject him, what she felt or wanted. But he wanted it...that life.

That's when the smile spread across her face, and he had to look away. Another spoonful of grape jelly...it was sweet...but it hadn't been sweeter than the reality of the moment the first time around...or this moment...this do over.

"So you do think there are still good people?" It was like what he said...what he thought changed the whole world, and her face, her happiness...it lit up the room.

He gave a little nod.

"What changed your mind?" Daryl glanced at her and looked away twice before he could answer.

"You know..." Beth had to know, didn't she? There was no question in his heart.

"What?" Her voice...Beth's voice was laced with joy...laughter...

"Idonknow..." _Fuck it all!_ He was getting a chance...a chance to make it right, and he was fucking it up all over again. Maybe things couldn't change...

"Don't 'Idonknow'..." Beth did an adorable mimic of his noncommittal answer and head nod, but it did nothing to soothe his nerves."What changed your mind?" Her eyes...she was serious now, trying to see into his soul.

Daryl let her look. He couldn't take his eyes off her. This was his last chance...the last moment he could change everything. Daryl looked at Beth like he had that night, seeing his future in her face...even though now it could never be...but this time, he didn't wait too long. He didn't cop out. Daryl answered. One word...one word that meant everything.

"You."

"Oh..."

"...I...love you..." He had to look away, felt the warmth burning in his cheeks.

It all felt as new and as awkward as it had that night. The feeling, the love, it'd been haunting him every second since they'd been separated, tearing him to pieces...but now it was foreign again, all his emotions confused, butterflies floppin' around in his stomach, just waiting for her to reject him.

But it was beautiful...this is what it felt like to be alive...and he'd said it.

The moment was the same for Beth. Awkward and frightening and beautiful. Daryl could see it in her eyes, the blush on her cheeks, the way her lips were slightly parted 'cause she was breathing heavier.

"I've loved you all along." This time he was steadier, more sure of himself, solid. What Beth deserved.

"I love you." It was so sweet, hearing those words on Beth's lips, and he knew it was true without a doubt. Daryl had heard it in another dream...the dream of their life that never happened...but this one, somehow he knew it was real.

And that made it hurt even worse...'cause he didn't deserve it. How could something so beautiful rip his heart to shreds?

Tin cans rattled on the perimeter alarm he'd set on the porch. A dog yipped. There was scratching at the door.

_NO_...not this, not now...

More scratching and banging...something in Daryl was forcing him to hear it...focus...react.

"You gotta go, Daryl..." Beth's voice was breaking.

"No...this...this was our end..."

"You gotta go..."

"You said maybe anything was possible..." Why was he getting fucked again? Just a few more moments...just a little more time.

"Some things are already written. Please...go..." Her voice was frantic. Something was wrong.

Daryl's back was pressed up against the door, trying...trying to hold the walkers back. He wasn't strong enough.

"Beth! Beth!" She tossed him his crossbow. "Run! Run!"

They were close behind him now...didn't even have a chance to reload his bow. "Pry open a window. Get you're shit."

"I'm not gonna leave you," Beth yelled to him, and that was it. He couldn't hold on.

It wasn't Beth that did the leavin'. It was him. He'd abandoned her when he'd stopped running...stopped tracking...he should've died...not her.

Daryl sank to his knees, not caring anymore. The walkers, they could have his sorry soul.

"I'm sorry, Beth. I'm sorry I couldn't save you..." He was defeated all over again.

Time stopped. Everything went still. There were no more walkers. It was just him, and now Beth, she was on her knees in front of him. Everything was frozen except him and her. Beth's hand in his hair...her lips on his, that's what he was going to remember. Pulling away, Beth smiled, true and genuine, no sadness or pain laced in it.

"You saved me, Daryl. You gave me...I had just enough time...enough time to know what it felt like to fall in love..."

Beth...everything...it was ripping his heart out all over again. He couldn't breathe.

"I didn't even get to say goodbye..."

"I'm glad you didn't say goodbye. I hate goodbyes." Her smile went soft and innocent. She was still a pure soul...not jaded by the world...by life when she had every reason. Beth was strong.

"Me too..."

Her hand trailed down his cheek trough his tears, and they kept coming...

Even if they weren't saying it, it was goodbye. Something in Daryl told him, somewhere deep inside, he knew that this was it. He wouldn't dream of Beth again. That night in that funeral parlor had been the end of their life, a life that never even got to start...and this dream...it was the end of their journey together. Beth saw his sadness...and he knew that she knew the truth too.

"I'll wait for you at the gates so we can walk through together..." Daryl didn't know what she meant, but her words comforted him. He would remember her voice forever.

Beth wrapped her arms around him as Daryl encompassed her...pulled her tight. It was their last embrace.

"Daryl...you gotta go..."

* * *

><p>"Daryl...we gotta go..." Rick shook him hard. "We gotta go!"<p>

Daryl was instantly aware. The walkers were tearing down the door, and there were too many to handle. He didn't run out of fear, he ran out of instinct. Grabbing his crossbow, he took up the rear, making sure everyone got out ahead of him. He didn't have nothin' to lose. If he was taken down, it would just be over, and Daryl could be done surviving. He was ready.


	9. Chapter 9: End of Watch

**Chapter 9: End of Watch**

He didn't know where they were headed, didn't care. Nothin' mattered. Survival...surviving...that didn't matter either, but Daryl couldn't turn that off. It had been a death march since Rick woke him...ripped him from his last moment with Beth when walkers were tearing into the house. They'd been running for their lives ever since, hitting wave after wave of the walking dead. Days and nights passed without measure; he didn't have the will to count...didn't need to. He slept, woke up, fought, ran...and now his dreams were as empty as his soul.

For a while, it seemed like the end was comin' for all of 'em; no one could keep up pace, not even him. But then, the walkers stopped coming. Everyone collapsed where they were and slept the night, and the walkers still didn't come. At first light, Daryl slipped away unnoticed. Hunting...even he was hungry, and he didn't want to live. In the woods alone, several times Daryl thought that maybe he would just keep on walking, not looking back...but something stopped him...what, he didn't know.

The two lane country road caught him by surprise, the trees and scrub brush growing up right to its edge. Standing on the cracked pavement, Daryl couldn't take his eyes off it...that sign. It wasn't an official sign or nothing, but it was a sign...a marker all the same. His ass hitting the ground, just sittin' in the middle of the road, crossbow in his lap, string of squirrels discarded beside him, he was just staring up at it.

"I'm a tracker..." Daryl tracked stuff, found shit...always knew the right direction to go, how to find his way home, wherever that was...had his entire life, but now...

_You really don't know this game? _When Beth had suggested a game, Daryl had been reluctant but curious all in one. And he didn't know it.

_I never needed a game to get lit before._

_Wait, are we starting? _

_How do you know this game? _For just a second, Daryl wondered if Beth wasn't as innocent as she seemed, schooling him on a drinking game, but his doubt was unfounded.

_My friends played. I watched. Okay, I'll start. I've never shot a crossbow. So now you drink._

_Ain't much of a game._ At least he knew he could drink little Beth under the table.

_That was a warm-up. Now you go._

_I don't know._ He knew lots of things...just not things he wanted her to know. Now, he would give anything to have the chance to tell her everything...

_Just say the first thing that pops into your head._

_I've never been out of Georgia..._

"I've never been out of Georgia," Daryl confessed out loud, but there was no one to hear him.

The sign...that fucking sign...its words painted in scrawling script...

_Now Leaving Georgia. Hope You Keep Georgia on Your Mind._

It was just a state line...an arbitrary boundary slapped down on a piece of paper a couple hundred years ago. It didn't mean shit. He'd probably crossed over it out in the woods a couple times hunting, but this...it was different.

Georgia, it was the place where he was bred and born and raised, but none of that mattered shit. But Georgia, it was where Beth was born. It was where he fell in love, had a life with her, no matter how short the time. And it was where Beth...died...where she would be forever. Daryl knew this country road wasn't gonna take him home.

Once again, Daryl tried to find it, twist the warm silver ring around his finger, but he only found bare, calloused flesh. He wanted his wedding ring back...but it never existed no matter how much his head told him it did...how many times his fingers went to find it, touch it, only to realize there was nothing there. Never had been. More than anything in the world, he just wanted his Beth back.

"I'm a tracker, but Beth...I've never...been so lost..."

* * *

><p>The gunfire had brought him back to reality, to the danger of their world. He might not have wanted to live...but the others...his group, Daryl didn't want them to die. He never made it to them though...never saw if they survived or not, if what he did made any difference. The herd was too thick...there were too many. After the first bite, Daryl knew he was dead, just livin' on borrowed time, and the clock was running out quick. But he wasn't just gonna lay down and die...he was gonna take as many fucking walkers down with him as he could. Nothin' left to lose. When there was nothing else coming at him, Daryl knew he could rest. Laying down in the center of the carnage, in a clear spot that seemed to be waiting just for him...he was so exhausted. Not just 'cause it was the end, but 'cause life...it finally beat him...and now, he didn't have to fight anymore. He could give up<strong>.<strong> Daryl remembered that day, running form the prison, when him and Beth fell in the field when neither of them could run anymore. What if he'd just reached out and took her hand? Would it have all been different, fate changed in that one moment, or would he have still failed her? It didn't matter anymore. They were both dead.

It was odd...he could feel the blood seepin' outta his veins...outta his wounds...but it didn't hurt. It was almost euphoric. Looking up at the canopy of leaves far above his head, it was so bright, the light shining through, and he could feel the sun on his face. It was warm...comforting. It was always gonna be like this...Daryl knew it all along. He would go down fightin' to the bloody end. Maybe that gave the others a chance...that was all he could hope for. In the final moments, all a man could really do was try to make peace with his life. Daryl...there was a time when he thought he'd go out regretting the things he'd done, not the things he didn't do, but that wasn't true anymore. He regretted all the things he never got to do with Beth, but as Beth had put it, w_hat I never did is done_. Daryl was good with most of it. In his heart, he knew he'd done his best to balance the scales of his life...he'd done his best, might not have succeeded, but he tried. If it wasn't good enough, he'd take whatever judgment was passed down on him. Closing his eyes as his life drained onto the dirt, she was all he could see...all he could remember...the one purely good and beautiful thing in his life. Beth...love...and her sweet, innocent smile. His first love...only love. The love he never knew he wanted, but maybe, just maybe he deserved it after all...

Something strange...it took all his focus to realize it...understand. There was a hand gripping his...a man's hand. Holding it so tight. He wasn't gonna die alone.

"You're my brother..." The voice was shaking and pained, but it was Rick...

_Joe! Hold up...these are good people...You want blood. I get it. Take it from me... _

Daryl made that offer once, meant it then, and this time...finally God got something right. The others...they were gonna live. It was so bright, even with his eyes closed. He tried and thought he was able...thought he squeezed back.

"My...brother..." he managed.

* * *

><p><em>God dammit.<em> Rick almost fell to his knees at the edge of the walker corpses that ringed Daryl's body. "No...no..."

He knew Daryl wasn't gonna make it...didn't want to after losing Beth, but Rick wasn't ready to lose him...and not this way. Daryl had gone out fighting though, true to who he'd been, what kind of survivor Rick knew he was from the moment he stepped out of the woods the first time they'd met...dangerous and deadly. Rick bowed his head, palming his Python, and taking a deep breath before he stepped in and did what had to be done. It was gonna be him. Daryl deserved that. Standing next to Daryl's body, taking aim, Rick cringed, seeing...realizing the cruel truth. He was still breathing...he wasn't dead. Crouching down beside him, not even sure if Daryl was conscious...hoping he wasn't...Rick took his hand, holding it firm...trying to work up the nerve.

"You're my brother..." Was his voice coming out at all?

Rick knew he waited too long to tell Daryl, but men like them, telling things like that...most of the time, they were understood but went unsaid. He'd waited until Daryl offered to sacrifice his life for him and Carl...and today...Daryl didn't just offer, he made that sacrifice, paid that bill. But when was the moment it became true...Daryl...his brother? It hit him hard when he remembered. Dale...it was his group, they followed him, suffered because of his choices. Dale was his responsibility, but Daryl stepped forward, taking his revolver, took his burden away, made it his own.

_Sorry brother._

That was when Rick knew.

It was weak, but he felt it, Daryl's hand gripping his. Maybe it was just reflex. Maybe Daryl wasn't even there anymore...couldn't think or feel.

"My...brother..." It was so quiet...raspy, but they were coherent words.

_God...no..._ Daryl shouldn't be awake, much less alive. He wasn't bleedin' out fast enough. He was suffering.

Rick aimed his weapon twice, pulling it away each time, not having the courage to do what needed to be done, still holding Daryl's hand. In that moment, Rick was glad he hesitated because Daryl had last words. They were clear and solid for a dying man...a man bleeding out on the ground.

"Beth...I'll love you...for the rest of my life..."

It wasn't meant for him to hear, but he needed to hear it. Rick knew he should've pulled the trigger when Daryl was on his knees begging him beside Beth's grave. He hadn't been strong enough...but now he was. Now he had to be. Squeezing Daryl's hand as tight as he could, Rick rested the muzzle of his gun at Daryl's temple. He hoped with everything he was that in this final moment, Daryl was seeing Beth.

"Go to her, Daryl...go to Beth. Your watch is ended brother."

The whole forest went still and silent as the gunshot echoed...and it stayed silent in honor of Daryl. Rick's revolver fell to the ground as he crashed to his knees in Daryl's blood. Daryl's hand was limp, but Rick still couldn't let go.

"You were the best of us..."

* * *

><p>~Author's End Note: This chapter wasn't particularly beautiful or well written, but it hit me really hard for some reason. I didn't want to post it right before Christmas because it was too sad for me. Also, I'm sorry if anyone thought Daryl should have a big action sequence, going out in a blaze of glory. In this, I just needed Daryl to go quietly. One more chapter to go, and then I'm going to put this sadness behind. I'm really looking forward to being able to get back to "I Will Follow...". I'm excited!~<p> 


	10. Chapter 10: Save Sorrow For the Souls

~Author's Note: I want to thank all of you who have gone on this tragic journey with me. This story was really for me, to help me find closure after the tragic MSF, to try to give Beth and Daryl what I thought would be a fitting and heartfelt end if Beth had to die. This story was always meant to have only 10 chapters, but I decided to split Chapter 10 into two chapters, Chapter 10 and an Epilogue. If you are satisfied with the way Chapter 10 ends, maybe you should stop there because the Epilogue might be a little bit corny. It was just something I couldn't get out of my head though, so I needed to write it down. Again, thank you, and I hope you guys are planning to join me again when the new chapter of "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" comes out! Lots of love, and wishing everyone joy and happiness in the new year!~

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10: Save Sorrow for the Souls in Doubt<strong>

The rumble...the growling...it was like music to his ears. And the vibration...havin' a bike between his legs again made Daryl remember what living was supposed to feel like. The sun was warm on his bare arms. The whole world seemed too bright for his taste, but he wasn't complaining none. As far as he could see, the highway was clear and open, not a car...anything in sight, but he wasn't goin' as far as the eye could see. He was going somewhere specific...he just didn't know where...but he turned off onto Fairburn road. It was familiar...there was a memory there...

_Home..._That wasn't right, was it?

_Rick said you had others on the highway, that big traffic snarl? Backtrack to Fairburn road. Two miles down is our farm. You'll see the mailbox._

The gravel road was bumpy, his bike throwing up a cloud of dust around him as he took it faster than he should've, but reckless abandon wasn't really feelin' that reckless anymore...like it didn't even matter...and he had somewhere to be. Daryl stopped, parked, grabbed his crossbow off his bike, not really knowing what was up ahead. It was so bright and light that he couldn't make out anything, but as he stepped forward, ready for whatever was gonna be thrown at him, either his eyes started to focus or the veil of light started to part like fog. He could see...her...he saw Beth. He was frozen...the picture of her too perfect to be real, sittin' on a set of steps in a little white cotton dress, pale hair spilling in loose waves over her shoulders. Her hands were in her lap, and she was looking down like she was just passing the time...waiting for something. But then Beth looked up, suddenly saw him...realized he was there. Standing up slowly, her hands came to cover her mouth, in what? Shock? Surprise? It hit Daryl too...all the memories...the cruel realities slamming him hard. It was all just a dream again...

But Beth was there...and she'd been gone for so very long. He stumbled back a step, then his crossbow crashed to the ground just a few seconds before he did. Daryl's hands were shaking, and he couldn't catch his breath for nothin'. Then she was in his lap, her arms tight around his neck, pressed so hard against him. He wrapped his arms around Beth knowing that even if he swore never to let go, this dream could break that promise in an instant, ripping him away from her and there was nothin' he could do about it.

"Beth, I'll love you for the rest of my life."

It came out urgent. Everything he wanted, needed to say...he had to say it now 'cause he might never get the chance. He could feel Beth nodding against his neck, accepting his love.

"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you..."

"Shh..." Beth pulled back, looking at him, brushing his hair outta his face and smiling.

Daryl caught her hand, was gonna kiss it, but stopped as the light caught the glint of metal, the wings wrapped around her finger. Closing his eyes...trying to stop himself but he couldn't, Daryl looked down at his hand...and it was there. His ring was finally there too. This dream...this dream was gonna be too devastating to recover from. Who was he kidding? He was never gonna recover anyway. He couldn't look up at Beth. He was too broken.

"Daryl, you don't have to protect me anymore. Your watch is over." Beth's sweet words were mixed with just a hint of sadness, but they soothed his sorry soul.

She leaned under his bowed head, nudging him, placing the most innocent kiss on his lips. It all felt so real...maybe he didn't want it to feel this real anymore. It was just too painful.

The gunshot startled him. Looking up, Daryl pulled Beth close again so he could shield her. But had she even heard? How could she not? It'd been so close. The brightness around them started to fade...it was fading to black. Daryl knew what was happening...the gunshot...it was waking him up to the horrible, cold world where he was forced to run, fight...survive, for what? Nothing. The dream was over...until it wasn't. The light faded, but only until the world around him became normal...he could see clearly. There was nothing tugging him away, pulling him back to the pain. Daryl felt peace. He knew...the gunshot wasn't the end of his dream...it was his end...the end of his life.

Beth was looking down on him, smiling. He knew...they both knew...he didn't have to leave...he never had to leave again.

He saw the tears on her cheeks...not sad tears, and he heard Beth's soft laughter while she was crying. Brushing them away gently, Daryl understood now what it meant to cry when you where happy...because there were tears in his eyes too...for them.

"What...what is this?" Daryl managed, trying to work it all out in his head.

Everything around him...he understood now...Beth's old farm house...she'd been sittin' on its steps waiting on him to get there...to get home. The fields were green, there were trees and the woods in the distance, the old fence lines reaching into the far horizon...it was just like he remembered.

_What kind of house did you dream about when you were younger?_

_I guess when I thought about a normal life, something I knew I would never have, like a family and all that, maybe I dreamed about a place like your Dad had...I mean, I always knew that whatever I did in life, I would never make a lot of money, but to have what your Dad had...a sturdy home...and land...a man could provide for his family there no matter what... _

_Maybe we'll go back there someday_... Beth's voice had been so filled with hope then...hope...

_Who knows, Lil' Bit. Maybe your home will be ours someday._

_It already was our home...your home too...we'd just be going back home...150 years of Greenes lived there...maybe the Dixons will make it that long too..._

"I think this..." Beth was finally able to start answering him. "...this is our after..."

_Our after..._Daryl looked away, down to the ground...thinking...doubting. It couldn't be.

Beth's hands were on his face, in his hair, touching...caressing him like she needed to feel him to believe he was real.

"But...I didn't believe...I didn't have any faith after I lost you. I hated God for what happened to you..."

Lookin' back at Beth...she was the only truth...the only faith he needed.

"It's okay Daryl. He never stopped believing in...loving you." Her hand went to his back, slowing tracing, sending shivers down his spine. "No one...none of us get away from life without being tarnished. They aren't as white as they where when I first met you, but they're still there."

He didn't understand what she was sayin' at first, then he realized what she was doing. Beth was tracing his wings. He had his vest back...it was a part of who he was...who he became while he was livin'.

_Beth, I'll love you for the rest of my life..._

_Pfft_...those words that meant the world...Daryl knew they weren't enough anymore. He had to...wanted to do better than that.

"Beth, I'll love you forever." _Forever_...somehow it was what they had.

Crossbow slung over his shoulder right where it belonged, Daryl took the porch steps two at a time thinking Beth was right behind him. His hand went to the door, but he stopped, uncertain, looking back at Beth, but she was still at the bottom of the steps, hesitating.

"What's in there? What's on the other side?" Daryl was filled with a sense of wonder...childlike excitement...things he'd never felt before.

Beth shook her head a little, unsure.

"I don't know...I promised I would wait for you. I told you I would wait so we could walk through together..." Why was she hesitating? Her soul, it was never a soul in doubt. "Daryl...I'm scared..." Beth's voice was trembling.

Of course she was scared. It was the unknown. Daryl went back to the top of the steps, looking down to her.

"I ain't scared of nothin'." He said it soft. It wasn't a comeback. He wasn't defensive. Didn't need to be. Now, it was just the truth. He reached out to her. "I'll hold your hand."

Beth was on the first step, comin' to him, finding strength in his confidence.

_After we burned the cabin...the second cabin...and I stopped in the woods to look back, you told me to follow you, that you wouldn't lead me astray. When you turned away, all I could see were the wings on your back. I knew in that moment...I didn't really know why yet, but I realized I would follow you anywhere...I was taking it on faith. I would follow you into the dark..._

Now Daryl was taking it on faith.

It all really and truly began when he felt Beth's hand slide into his, and Daryl pulled her up the last step right in front of him, smiling at her. There was no reason not to smile anymore.

"Come on, Beth...I'll go first if you're scared." It should've been him first all along...he should've died...not her. But now...everything was finally how it should be. "Just...follow me into the light..."


	11. Epilogue: Life After

**Epilogue: Life After**

"What are y'all doin' under here?" Daryl had to go to his hands and knees and part the long Willow branches so he could slip into their private world.

Beth was sitting on her knees, posed all pretty under the tree, their four little blonde haired, blue eyed angels sittin' around her. He was lucky...they all looked like Beth, took after her more than him.

"Uncle Merle said we should play hide and seek. We decided to just play hide," his eldest boy offered.

The little ones all giggled, and Beth shook her head, smiling. He knew why she was there, under the tree. It had been her secret place long before even he knew her. Now she shared it with all of them.

"Daddy, how come you can find us here? Mama says that Granddaddy Hershel could never find her here when she was little, and Uncle Merle, well, he can't never find us neither," their youngest son questioned.

"'Uncle Merle can't ever find us either'..." Beth corrected.

"Huh...Uncle Merle can't ever find us either..." the boy sighed, sayin' what his Mama told him.

Well, they all favored Beth's appearance, but there was no doubting they were his, carrying some of his traits that she probably wished they didn't. It was a complex answer though, about why Merle couldn't find them. Hershel could never _find _Beth because he was the kind of father who wanted his children to have magic in their world. Now, this tree...Beth's Weeping Willow...it was their sanctuary...their magic place. Before Daryl could answer, he watched Merle pacing through the tall grass that separated the Willow tree and the house.

"Uncle Merle's gonna find you...ol' Merle's comin' to get you..." Daryl's family..._his family_...giggled as he watched his brother pass by oblivious to their existence. "Where are you stupid little bastards..." Merle said under his breath.

Daryl couldn't help smilin' at that one himself. When the novelty of Merle's inability to find them wore off, and it didn't take too long...they had short attention spans...he had four sets of bright blue eyes on him, waiting for an answer. And Beth, she smiled at him 'cause she already knew the answer.

"You're my family...my life. I love you all. Your Daddy, you see, I used to be a tracker, and I'll always be able to find you, no matter what, no matter where you are. I was a tracker...it's what I did...what I knew before...when..."

"You mean when you and Mama met and fell in love?" Their middle boy asked.

"In love..." His little girl mimicked her brother in a sing-songy voice, comin' to Daryl so he could wrap her in his arms.

If he had to imagine what Beth looked like when she was little...this was it. She was the spittin' image of her mother...and her voice...she was gonna have the voice of an angel. Daryl remembered a time when he'd just first been thinking that he might someday have a family with Beth...before...well, the thing that had scared him the most...scared the shit outta him...was a daughter. He knew Beth's daughter would be beautiful, kind, sweet, gentle...just like Beth...everything that world tried so hard to destroy. Now, those were things he didn't have to worry about anymore, but in any world...any place of existence...his heart could probably only handle one daughter...

"Yeah...exactly...when I met your Mama, and she taught me what life was supposed to feel like."

"If you used to be a tracker, what are you now, Daddy?"

"Something different." _I was a tracker...now, I'm something different, something more_, Daryl thought to himself.

All four of them where in his arms, holding on tight. It was a place, a life he never imagined was possible before Beth. It was still strange, but somehow...somehow it all fit. And Beth...she was everything.

"Kids, it's time to come out now..." Merle was goin' back in the other direction, back across the expanse of yard towards the house. "Get your asses out here!"

The boys all pulled away from Daryl to watch Merle in his ill-fated quest, laughing. If Merle heard them laughing, he would be so pissed. But she stayed in his lap, his little bright angel, reaching up and twirling his hair between her fingers.

"Whole pack of little Dixon whelps, and I can't even fuckin' find my own blood," Merle mumbled to himself, but they all heard.

"Dumbass..." Daryl couldn't help it. It just came out.

"Dumbass. Uncle Merle's a Dumbass!"

"Hey, watch your mouth sunshine!" Daryl snapped his fingers and pointed at the boy. He might be the oldest, but he wasn't gonna start talking that way.

"You said it first!" The boy challenged, setting Daryl on fire. His kid had a defiant spirit. His kid...this one was him made over. He saw it every day.

"You do as I say, not as I do, you hear me?" Daryl barked, getting a rebellious stare, but he glared too and won. _Do as I say, not as I do?_ Classic parent cop out. God, how did he turn into that kind of father? He needed to do better than that. "Respect your Mother and your sister. You don't talk like that around them."

"Yes, sir."

"Dum-as...dumass..."

Daryl let out a deep breath, trying to control his anger, as the sweet little voice so close to him tried to mimic the words of her brother.

"We're gonna talk about this later," the boy looked sheepishly away, knowing Daryl meant business. "Sweetheart, don't say that. That's not a nice word. Not a nice word at all." He softened his tone, brushing back her soft blonde curls as she smiled at him, reaching up to touch his face with her tiny hand.

"Hey kids, y'all need to listen up. I came out here to tell you that I'm gonna be leavin' for a little while..."

"Why?" The three littlest voices asked at once, their big brother still sulking. He was a carbon copy of Daryl through and through.

"Uncle Rick, he needs some looking after. He needs all the help he can get right now." Rick, his brother...he might not know he was there, but Daryl was, and that was all that mattered.

"When's Uncle Rick coming home?"

"Eventually..." Daryl hoped Rick wouldn't _come home_ for a while. Didn't want him to be separated from his family. "He's still got _stuff and things_ to do."

He heard Beth laugh a little at that one.

"Why doesn't Uncle Merle ever go with you?"

"Merle's just lucky to be here, but self-sacrifice...it always gets you in." Daryl paused for a minute, wondering if that was how he got here...what reunited him with Beth. It didn't matter though...he was with her. "They sure in the hell aren't going to give him any sort of responsibility..."

Looking back to Beth, they both shared a knowing smile...a smile that acknowledged the person Merle was and always would be, but that would never make him any less a brother...a brother who sacrificed.

"Blondie...hey Blondie...Beth Dixon!" _Speak of the Devil, and he shall appear_. Merle just gave up, standin' out there in one spot, bellowing. "I lost your kids. I can't find Daryl's little bastards." He turned around from where he was standing, hand coming up to shield his eyes from the sun, lookin' all around. "Beth! Lil' Blondie...where in the hell are you?"

"Go on y'all. Go find Merle before he gets pissed off," Daryl told them. Merle's patience only went so far, even in the most ideal situations.

They went reluctantly, leaving the safety of Beth's Willow tree.

"I miss you Daddy," she said before he could let her go.

Daryl never thought he could be so affected by four little words. He leaned down, kissing her forehead.

"I'll miss you too, sweetheart." He knew he had to let her go. "Daryl." The eldest boy stopped, looking back when he called out. "Hold your sister's hand, and watch out for your Mama and her while I'm gone."

"Don't gotta tell me that. I'm a Dixon." He was defiant, but Daryl couldn't have been more proud of his son. He waited for his sister to reach his side, and he didn't just hold her hand, he picked her up and carried her. "Come on, Faith, we gotta let Uncle Merle _find_ us."

He moved closer to Beth, watching the kids run to Merle who let himself be tackled.

"Get off me you lil' ankle-biters! I'm gonna get you..." Merle laughed as the children attacked him.

"That oldest...kid's go a mouth on him. Already bucking me. People used to listen to me."

"He's your namesake. I wouldn't have expected anything less." She was smiling, watching the children, but her smile, it was sad...Why sad?

Daryl saw her shiver a little, reaching out and pulling her close, wrapping his arms around her.

"You okay, Lil' Bit?"

"Yeah, I think..." She paused, leaning into him. "The children...do you remember them when they were babies?"

"I remember all of them...what it felt like to hold them in my arms the day they were born. My first son...Daryl...he came and things were still so dark out there. He was like a sign that showed life found a way even when the world was fallin' apart. And Faith ...my little girl..." Daryl choked up just thinking, "she stole part of my heart on the day she came into my world, and things were suddenly all bright and beautiful."

Beth nodded against him. He needed to say those things, feel them, as much as Beth needed to hear them.

"Is that why you're sad...'cause the kids are gettin' older?" He pulled her tighter. "We should have another."

"You want more?" Was she really askin' that, doubting?

"Yeah, why not...it ain't like we can't take care of 'em. I thought we talked about this...a big family?" Daryl thought about the prospect of another child. It made his heart warm. "And besides, we gotta do our best, our part to compensate for Merle bein' here."

He felt Beth laugh at the last part. "We should...I want that...another..." she trailed off, and Daryl knew that wasn't the end of it, wasn't the only thing upsetting her. "I'm going to miss you. I know you need to, but I don't want you to go..."

"You know there ain't nothin' to worry about anymore." Daryl didn't even need to convince her. They both knew.

"I know...it's just...I still remember what is was like to be apart..." That part of their lives was over, but he knew the memories still haunted her. They haunted him too. But they were their memories; if they wanted to remember the good, they had to keep the bad.

"Beth, I love you. I'm always comin' home to you..."

* * *

><p>Daryl checked for his handgun tucked in his back waistband, shifted his crossbow to a more comfortable position over his shoulder, and looked back to Beth, his kids, and Merle all playing together before he headed out. He didn't know how it happened...how it was possible, what it all was, but he wasn't gonna question it. He had Beth...he had a family. Time here, in their place of existence...it didn't work the same. A day could pass in a moment, and a moment could last a lifetime. The children were conceived, born, and grew, but he and Beth stayed the same. It wasn't a place free of emotion or even pain, but it was a place with no tragedy, death, or torture. There had been a first time for them... it was awkward...with tears and pain, but it was beautiful...many times after that with pleasure, lust, love. Love...love was constant.<p>

Through it all, Daryl still had a job to do...his watch wasn't over. Not by far. Rick had a purpose. Rick couldn't die until that purpose worked its way out. And Rick, Rick was his brother. Daryl would stand by his side till the end, just like Rick had done for him. Apparently those wings on his back in life meant something all along. His purpose. Daryl had thought on it a lot, and he could only come up with one answer that made sense...if anything could make sense. Maybe he was born to die because in death, he got to live. It wasn't the afterlife. Everybody who believed that was fucking wrong. It was the life after...the life after was what mattered...and he and Beth...they lived...

**Fin**


End file.
